1. All the horrible rumors about me are true. Yes, I will give you a bathroom pass but no, you can't have one every 10 minutes. No, I don't give homework over the weekend and yes, I will call your parents if you poke him one more time. Yes, you must write in complete sentences at all times in my class and no, you may not play with your cell phone lest you experience my Lightening Fast Cell Phone Snatch. You can have it back at the end of the day. Here's a tissue for your tears. Go sit down.
2. I have a ridiculous memory. I can remember events from five years ago in absolute detail but can't remember why I'm in the kitchen. I'm only 44 but expect full blown dementia to strike at any moment. If you find me wandering down the road buck naked and mumbling, just put a bell on me and bring me back home. Thank you in advance.
3. I would spend all day in my pajamas if I could. If it were socially appropriate, I would wear them to work. I cannot reconcile my love of pajamas with my love of fashion and often find myself in a "What should I wear?" quandary. It's painful.
These will be the perfect compliment to my garden gnome pajamas.
5. I avoid all plants that are stabby, with the exception of my roses, those beautiful sadists intent on impaling me at every turn.
6. I am an outgoing, social person swirled with a need for solitude. I will occasionally retreat into my turtle shell and close the doors behind me. I'm never gone for long. Just knock if you're worried.
7. It's hard to beat me at Scrabble, my favorite game. However, I'm fairly non-competitive and we play by house rules, meaning the less tiles we have, the looser the "rules" become. Naughty words in foreign languages? Absolutely!
8. A friend and I once had a very deep, philosophical discussion on what type of flower our personalities most resembled. I am anything that resembles a daisy: What you see is what you get. I like to think I'm full of mystery and intrigue but I'm not. I need to work on that.
9. I'm a kamikaze shopper. I go in, find what I need, and leave. The idea of spending all day wandering around a shopping mall is not my idea of fun. But I love online shopping because I can do it in my pajamas. Because I occasionally forget what I've ordered, it's an excellent way to surprise myself.
10. I have no desire to be a copy of anybody else. I am my own authentic, unique self. I was born original. Why die a clone?