Aren't these beautiful? They look so happy! I assure you this picture DID NOT come from my garden.(http://www.krischanphoto.com/gardens/prairie/dalea/dalea%20purpurea.htm)
Wait, you didn't know I had dalea in the garden? That's okay. The dalea wishes there wasn't dalea in the garden, either. So, how miserable is the dalea? Very. If my dalea had limbs they would have packed their bags and left by now. If they had fingers and access to the Internet, they would have written a scathing tell-all about the wretched moron who planted them in the absolute wrong spot next to a clump of scheming daffodils in too much shade. They'd have an agent and would be making the talk show circuit as I type. The Grand Finale would come when they threw a chair at the daffodils and their fading foliage on live TV and, yes, it would be all my fault.
Oooh! Another pretty picture! These look way too happy and vertical to be my dalea.( http://fwp.mt.gov/education/youth/lewisAndClark/plants/purple.html)
That the dalea are even alive is a testament to the fact that they are growing just to remind me of what happens when you garden while temporarily insane. If they died, they couldn't torture me with obsessive thoughts about how I can remedy the situation. I would simply feel like an idiot, get over it, and then fill their spot with something else. I might even blame them for their failure to thrive. But no... Dalea are very smart and they have me cornered. Leave them where they are and let me feel like I've had a garden lobotomy or figure out where to move them.
I went to the dalea, my head hung low and apologized. The sedum snickered and the agastache just rolled their eyes. "I have a spot for you in the new design of my front garden", I whispered. "You'll have a lot more sun and no daffodils trying to suffocate you as you wake next spring. Just hang in there until it's cool and moist enough to start the Happy Plant Hokey Pokey. You'll be one of the first plants out and the first plants in. I promise." Their thin little bodies shuddered and their stunted leaves pushed against the mulch. A deep voice, cracked with fatigue, began to rumble through the garden.
"Tammy.... Tammy.... Tammy...."
"Yeah?" I responded nervously, my hands beginning to shake.
"Bend down and say hello to my little friend."
"Holy cr*p! That's enough! I'm moving you! I'm moving you!!" I yelled, heading for the house.
"We've paid our dues -
Time after time -
We've done our sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
She's made a few
We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
'Cause we are the champions - of the world!"
When your plants start quoting lines from Scarface and singing Queen, just admit defeat and run for the house. Fast!
(Honestly, this entire little section of the garden is a complete wreck and is being redesigned.)