Friday, February 12, 2016

Dear Lorna Lovey,

Yo Lorna,
     I just, like, moved next door to this really hot chick. She smells like flowers and her hair shines in the sunlight, Venus and Aphrodite rolled into one. ( I seen that in a book and it sounded smart.) She's in her garden all da time  and I really wanna ask her out but, like, I'm really shy. Don't tell no one. I need yo advice.

Signed,
Ain't Got Nobody


Dear Lorna, 
     A weird guy moved in next door and spends his free time in the shrubbery spying on me. I thought this was pretty creepy so I went over and asked him what he was doing. I was armed with a shovel in case I had to take him down. He saw me coming and jumped straight up like a dang squirrel, getting his head caught in the branches. I figured he had that coming so I left him there. Jerk.

Signed, 
Irritated


Yo Lorna, 
     Ah man, things took a real bad turn. I was trying to be all sly by hiding in the bushes while she was in the garden but she saw me! She started coming over and I freaked out. I wanted to be all friendly and stuff and say something really cool like, "Hey baby. Nice tool." but I got my head all tangled in the branches and all that come out my mouth was " Waaayy aby ice drool." She ain't ever gonna go out with me. I really need yo help.

Signed, 
Still Ain't Got Nobody


Dear Lorna, 
     Ok, remember when I told you about my weird neighbor? I felt bad about leaving him in the shrubs so I went back out, still holding my shovel, to check on him. His head was tilted at an odd angle and he was still staring at me but now he was mumbling about drool. All I was trying to do was work in the garden but now I have to watch out for my drooling neighbor. I don't get it. Why would someone drool? I thought only dogs did that. Am I missing something?

Signed, 
Just Trying to Garden


Dear Ain't and Irritated, 

     Ain't - I would suggest not hiding in the shrubs unless you want to meet the business end of your neighbors shovel. Go next door like a normal human and introduce yourself. It's almost Valentine's Day so maybe a packet of seeds would be appreciated.

     Irritated - Your weird neighbor has a crush on you so please resist attacking him with large tools. When he comes over keep the tissues handy. I think he drools.


Signed, 
Lorna Lovey
Advice Columnist

46 comments:

  1. Chuckle,chuckle. Reading this post was such a great way to end the week. Or was it a great way to start the weekend? Whatever. So funny!

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  2. The best kind of Valentine's Day card (or post) has always been the funny one! I hope your sweetie treats you to something special (like help in the garden).

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    1. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day. He has to show me he loves me every day. :o) But we are planning on watching Walking Dead tonight as our "date".

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  3. Is this a growmance?-) Hope cupid sends an arrow your way.

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    1. Ha ha ha!! Cupid shot me with an arrow when I met my husband a zillion years ago. :o)

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  4. Oh, that was so funny, Tammy...uh..Lorna. Wishing you and your hubby a happy Valentines Day!

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    1. Thanks! We'll be watching our favorite zombie show together. We skip all the hearts and candy. :o) But my last post was serious so I thought it would be fun to put up something silly.

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  5. Replies
    1. I like looking through Google images and then creating backstories for the pics. It's great creative inspiration. :o)

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  6. Very clever and amusing Valentine's post for gardeners.

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  7. Such a lovely fun post again. I wish you a Happy Valentine's day too!

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  8. That was fun! Will we hear more about Ain't and Irritated in the months ahead ... ? Happy Valentine's Day!

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    1. Maybe but I'm not sure! They seem a bit mismatched so it could be fun to see where it all goes. ;o)

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  9. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face :)

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    1. You're welcome! Mission accomplished! :o)

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  10. Happy Valentines Day! This post was a hoot! Lorna gave good advice, and hopefully Ain't and Irritated will soon be working in the garden together and laughing over their beginnings.

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  11. Always a fun post! Thanks for that....

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  12. Bwahaha! How ever do you think of such things? Very cute!

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    Replies
    1. My brain is a very busy, creative place!

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  13. Ha, ha Tammy! It's good post to Valentine Day!

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  14. Tammy this was a great read and so captivating....loved it.

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  15. Fun and creative! Gave me a smile--thanks!

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  16. OMG! This was sooo funny! I love that the advice columnist was a groundhog of all things!

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  17. I wanted the advice columnist to be something completely absurd but with a serious expression. When I saw the groundhog pic, I knew I had to use it. :o)

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  18. So funny! I wondered what groundhogs did all winter; now I know. Many thanks!

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  19. Girl .... do these posts keep you up at night ?? I am still laughing ......
    Joy ... laughing up at the north pole

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    1. Silly, funny stuff pops into my head all the time so I gotta write it down.... :o)

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  20. LOL! Thanks for the giggles.

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  21. Hello Tammy, excellent Agony Aunt advice there. I'll be sure to call Lorna if I ever get stumped. I hope you had a great valentine's day. Gardeners are really easy to buy for!

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