I do not like stabby plants.
I do not like them in a pot.
I do not like them when it's hot.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like those stabby plants
that make me bleed right through my pants.
Apparently, as a gardener I should have an appreciation for all plants, even those that slice and maim, such as agaves and cactus and I do. But it's the type of appreciation you extend to a crocodile when it's just taken a bite of an anaconda. I'm simply glad the croc grabbed the anaconda before it could grab me. I have no desire to garden in chain mail or leather chaps and am convinced most agaves have names not quite honest enough in their depictions of the plants potential. While agave 'Baby Boy' sounds rather sweet, had it been named ' T Rex' or 'Piranha' I'd find the tag less misleading.
Each of these little killers are $20 and guaranteed to die this winter.
However, it occurred to me that maybe if I spent some time with one of these botanical bad asses, I might change my mind. Perhaps my dislike was simply based on a perception of impending slaughter, rather than the reality of a plant that simply needed its own room.
This echeveria scored a perfect 10 on the Snuggle Scale but it isn't cold hardy here, either.
But a trip to the garden center sent me running back to my comfort zone of soft, touchable plants. Several rows of overpriced, non-cold hardy agaves sat plunked in the middle of more mild mannered plants, sharp spears edging each leaf. While I appreciated their drought tolerance and ability to take down small mammals, I stayed away. I drifted towards the cactus and found a short, round sphere that looked like it's spines might be survivable should I accidentally veer too close. I'd barely touched the tip before yelling out, "That little sucker stabbed me!" Although the word I used might have rhymed with sucker, it was actually much stronger. Oops...
I do not like cactus, agaves or any of their murderous brethren and do not want them in my garden. Ever. If that means I have to surrender my status as a True and Genuine Gardener to pick up a card for the Cuddle Club, then so be it. I'll be in the hammock petting my plants.
I much prefer clematis, known to be non-lethal and unstabby.
I think this is 'Pink Champagne'.