Dear Aunt Marilyn,

There is  no sane way to describe what happened today so I'm just going to tell you everything. Last Monday I decided I needed some help in the garden. With schoolwork piling up and weeds taking over, I thought that maybe, just this once, I'd hire an assistant for a single day.

I'd spotted an ad in one of the local papers that advertised gardeners to help spring clean your garden. I'd never heard of Odd Bodies Garden Services but since weeding and digging little trenches between the grass and garden is so easy, I thought even a relatively inexperienced gardener could still be useful.

I'm training this 'Major Wheeler' honeysuckle to grow through my trumpet creeper. Who over comes to help will have to leave it alone.

When I called to inquire about the hourly rates and skill level of the gardeners, a man with an strangely deep and slightly weird voice answered. He was a bit of a mumbler and I was becoming frustrated so I decided to end the call and do the work myself when he suddenly started shouting. He was yelling about some guy named Stefano who was the most skilled of their gardeners. He was tall, muscular, and had a big shovel.

Excuse me? 

I'll need to let them know these bird eggs are fake but the nest is real so they don't worry.

Mr. Odd Bodies continued. Stefano was an expert gardener who celebrated all garden holidays. I had no idea gardeners had holidays but was becoming intrigued. He would email me a confirmation with a photo of Stefano so I knew who to expect.

Holy Hot Tamales, Marilyn. When I opened my email, I nearly died. I've attached the photo Mr Odd Bodies sent.  After pounding myself on the chest to get my heart beating again, I searched Google for garden holidays and soon realized Saturday, May 2 is World Naked Gardening Day.

How the heck was I supposed to maintain my composure while Stefano worked in my garden completely naked? Naked, Marilyn! As in not-a-single-stitch-of-clothing. I devised a plan to wear huge dark sunglasses so he'd never know where my eyes were while I 'supervised'.

By Saturday morning, I was focusing on ice cubes and glaciers to keep my body temperature down. World Naked Gardening Day was going to be my new favorite holiday. But 10 am came and went and no Stefano. By 11 my cell phone was buzzing like crazy with a notification from Odd Bodies. Stefano was running late and had sent a replacement. Was he crazy? I didn't want a replacement!

When the doorbell rang, I casually answered it. I tried to appear calm, cool, and collected. I adopted my best, "Why yes, I always have gorgeous men wandering my garden naked" attitude. But when the door opened, it was not Stefano who stood on my porch but this guy. 

Needless to say, I pulled all my own damn weeds. I hate World Naked Gardening Day.

Love, 
Tammy