My garden is almost full. I say this with pride, but also a touch of despair, for I have decided to plant a large, organic vegetable garden. Rip out my grass, you say? As idealistic as that sounds, I have five dogs who use it to chase each other and the crazy squirrels brave enough to raid my feeders, and a husband who loves the feel of soft grass under his feet as he makes his way to the hammock on warm summer evenings. I've made the garden as large as possible and now need more space. That's why I've decided to annex your yard, save you from a summer of mowing, and create the vegetable garden of my dreams. I hope you don't mind. I'll even share the bounty.
I know this may be coming as a surprise to all of you, but rest assured, it will all be okay. You no longer have to mow and can come over and lay in the hammock while I weed, stake, and tend to my crops.
What will I be growing? Yellow, purple, orange, and white carrots, rainbow chard brighter than the Vegas strip, blue potatoes for Thanksgiving - just to keep things interesting, a green cauliflower so spikey it looks the love child of a triceratops and a brocolli, purple and green lettuces, beets as striped as a candy cane, and watermelons as sweet as sugar. Tomatoes of every variety will soar, stout and hefty, alongside basil and fennel. Cucumbers will intermingle with tiny patty pan squashes, those UFO imposters so expensive at the store. I'm even planning on planting a row of 'Pink Lemonade' blueberries. Blueberry muffins made with pink berries? Absolutely!!! Never underestimate the power of confusion. 'Red Swan' and 'Purple Dove' beans will climb your deck, greeted each dawn by heirloom morning glories. By mid summer when the lettuce has melted in the heat, I'll plant pumpkins and let your kids pick their own for free. I've just saved you a trip to the pumpkin patch. You can thank me later.
Gotta go! I need to put in my seed order and with all these catalogs to go through, it will take a while. By the way, you are the BEST neighbors ever!!