In honor of World Naked Gardening Day, I decided to have a little fun.
Reginald - customer
We was havin' a party, you see, and none uh youse was s'posed to be there. My buddy Fergus works at this crazy joint called Shrubs and Suds and the new owner was away. The owner, he don't always keep tabs on what's going on and his employees be runnin' amuck when he ain't lookin'. And sometimes, he just ain't lookin'. But Fergus told me it was Garden Naked Day and we was gonna be goin' to a party, a naked party.
Sweetie Magee - shrub girl
Oh My God... The hairiest man I have ever seen keeps talking to me about a party. I'm going home.
Fergus - Manager
Reginald ruins everything. No one was having a party except me. Shrubs and Suds isn't your typical garden center. When the original owner couldn't decide between opening a brewery or a nursery, he just crammed the two together and decided beer might help business. But the new guy is never around and I'm running the place myself. I like it.
I'd closed us down for World Naked Gardening Day and had moved all the biggest evergreens into a circle behind the brew house. I had big plans to strip naked and water my trees. Sometimes a man just has to let everything fly free, ya know? I'd left a little gap between two hollies so I could watch Trudy's sweet round bottom sway as she poured beer. I was buck naked with a beautiful dame in my sights.
Trudy - barmaid
I hate working Saturday's but couldn't get anyone to cover my shift. Fergus had closed the garden center and was hiding in the hollies. That man, he's a lurker, always lurking around whenever I'm working talking to me about plants. If I wanted a shrub, I'd go buy a damn shrub. Another year in this crazy place and then I'm outta here.
So I'm pouring beer to a bunch of plant nerds when Reginald shows up without a stitch of clothing on. He climbs on a bar stool and slaps the counter and says, "I'll take a beer and a bag of your best compost." I took one look at him and told him to get his hairy butt outta my bar. If I wanted to see a big naked butt, I'd go in the bathroom and look at my own. So he turns and says as sweet as can be, "Make that two bags, please."
So I'm yellin', "Fergus! Put yer damn pants on and get over here!" Fergus had been lurking behind the brewhouse giving Fred and the boys a bit of fresh air and didn't think I knew. Meanwhile, I'm making plans to burn that stool. Fergus finally shows up all red and flustered and tells Reginald to put some clothes on. I turned off all the taps, switched the sign to CLOSED and went home. Gardeners are strange enough when they're dressed but now they're doing it naked. Maybe I should retire early.