Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Dear Chief of Police,

Dear Chief of Police,

   I have called the station many times to voice my complaint and have been laughed at each time. So I thought that perhaps I should put my concerns in writing. My neighbors, Mr and Mrs. McPhloxy, are gardeners. Normally, I have no problem with gardeners since they've shared their veggies and flowers with me on many occasions. However, the McPhloxy's have a strange habit that is driving me crazy. Many days after work they rendezvous in their garden shed where I am quite sure they're boinking. It's disgraceful!

  How do I know this? Well, their shed is close enough to my fence that if I stand nearby I can hear them! I am so offended. I have tried to shoo them away by clearing my throat or rustling the bushes, but it doesn't do any good. Yes, I know they are on their property but if I have suspicions raised on my property, it becomes my concern, too.

   I am quite worried about the propriety of all this boinking. Garden sheds are NOT for amorous assemblage but for the storage of tools, etc. I think they're violating a zoning code and should be reprimanded at once. I can barely walk around my own property because of what I know might be happening on the other side of the fence. Please take care of this.

Sincerely,
Edna duSnoops


I assure you this shed is large enough for two! 

71 comments:

  1. I want a garden shed like that one !!!!

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    1. Me, too! I am totally shedless. What a pity...

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    1. I can just imagine Edna listening in at the fence every chance she got. :o)

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  3. If I had a garden shed like that.........

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    Replies
    1. ...I would be a happy camper. ;o)

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    2. Mariposa, After reading your funny blog, I just had to join. As a retired teacher I hope you wear that hat to school occasionally. It's just too cute!!

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  4. That's a pretty amazing garden shed or whatever it's used for.

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    1. I think so, too! I love the walls made from log slices.

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  5. But, a shed is supposed to be full of hoes (and rakes too).....

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    1. I knew a hoe once and told my son not to date her. ;o)

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  6. Ooooo nice shed!!! This looks like a great place to boink! Just think of all the babies that will follow;)

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    1. LOL! That's why I named my fictional couple the McPhloxy's. I always have lots of phlox babies all over my garden. Phlox are total boink masters. :o)

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  7. That's a nice shed. I've always dreamed of having one, but all I ever wanted was one just big enough for a rocking chair... I must be getting old!

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  8. To paraphrase Stevie Ray Vaughan: If the shed is rockin' don't bother knocking and head on in Edna. You should know that things in the garden are better in threes, two is so awkward...

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    1. OMG!! Seriously laughing out loud! Personally, I don't think she could keep up. But ya know she's checking her mail for an invite...

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    1. I have shed envy! Thankfully Edna isn't one of my neighbors!

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  10. Wow, I can think of a lot of things to do in that shed! Well, most of them are plant-related, but ...

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  11. That shed is one of the most interesting I've seen - it looks fit for all sorts of activities. Now I wish I'd kept the wood from the Eucalyptus tree we removed for decorative purposes. Drat!

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    1. I've seen little buildings built with tree rounds/slices before and they're just so cool. But they might need a curtain for the window! :o)

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  12. Whatever it's purpose, it's a pretty great looking building! I wouldn't mind it at the end of my garden that's for sure...minus the amorous neighbours, of course ;-)

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    1. Neighbors like that would make me laugh and inspire me to buy my own shed. :o)

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  13. Tammy this was a real funny post, and I enjoyed it immensely....thanks for a good laugh.
    Your problem is one with a unique difference, so I hope the police finally look into it (not the shed) soon!
    I LOVE that shed, I may have to do a recreation of my own.

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    1. I have only one neighbor with a shed and I'm quite certain the only activity it ever sees is the shovels talking dirty to each other. Edna is my latest fictional character. :o)

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  14. I don't care what goes on in that shed, I love it! What a unique design.

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  15. That shed looks just lovely for a romantic rendez-vous. But I suppose you are kidding, it is a funny joke. Nice hat you have !

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    1. The whole post is a joke. :o) I only wear a colander on my head for very special occasions.

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  16. Ha,ha! I love this shed!
    Nice design and decoration, let them doing what they want, ms. Edna duSnoops!

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  17. Sounds a bit dangerous with all those sharp tools around! Mrs. duSnoops, perhaps you will have to start up a leaf blower whenever you hear something unmentionable going on. It would certainly drown out the sounds of their indiscretions, and keep your yard leaf-free at the same time!

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  18. I so want this to be true!!!! Thanks for the laugh, Tammy, I really really really REALLY needed it this week!

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  19. Great looking shed! Get it on Mr and Mrs. McPhloxy!

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    1. I don't which is funnier - knowing your neighbors are shagging in the shed or knowing how disturbed the other neighbor is. Too bad this is all fictional. It would make a great sitcom. :o)

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  20. That shed is awesome, who wouldn't want to spend all their time in there. boinking or otherwise :)

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    1. If I had a shed that awesome, I'd need a lot of sick days. :o)

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  21. Is it really a shade? Wow! looks like those fairy tale house from fantasy movies. Fantastic shade. Hmm...do you really mean human beings or some animals/birds? I had the suspicion that you were referring to animals/birds :-).

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    1. It does look like a fairy tale house, which is part of the allure, since the whole post is fiction. Yes, I really do mean humans doing what humans do....

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  22. HA! I needed a laugh this week as my house is torn up from flooding...hmmm maybe we can get an awesome shed like this to live in!! Awesome story! Have a wonderful weekend!!!

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    1. I think your insurance company should throw in a garden shed just for good customer service. :o) I hope your flood waters recede asap!

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  23. I had a neighbour similar to Edna. I shared a row house with two other nurses. At one time we were all on the night shift. We would leave the house after dark and return in the morning, pale and worn out. Our Edna reported us to the police for prostitution. A very nice police officer came to the house. He was most sympathetic although he probably checked with the hospital just to be sure, after all our uniforms could have been for role play.

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    1. That is so hysterical! What an awesome story, although you were probably really mad at the time. Talk about jumping to conclusions!

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  24. Ha ha... too funny... love your hat! Want me a shed like that... and now, since we are supposedly going to be working on "my studio" this summer, I must show my husband this... I did my pathway in the garden like this several years ago, the slices finally rotted from too many ants... I might just have to do my studio like this thous, after all, it is just an old shed being fixed up and just happens to be on 398.2 Wonderland Way, the perfect spot for Alice ... so this will do just nicely! Cheers~

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    1. I've seen sheds like this before but never a drawing or design to explain how they're created. It looks like a little house made out of a cool stack of firewood. :o) If you figure out how to do, please post about it!

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  25. OH MY GOODNESS! Wayyyyyy too much information thank you very much....great shed...think I have 'shed envy' now :-)

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  26. Oh my goodness, too much information for me too, thank you, I think I have lived too long in Britain, a story like that would have just made me laugh out loud years ago when still living in Norway, now I think more like Brits do I guess....hmm, not sure if that's good or not!
    Anyway, it was a funny story, and it reminded me that I have been thinking about writing about neighbours’ gardens in general, and perhaps mine two in particular. On one side I have a 12 year old building site, the other side has shifted tenants many times but currently there are so many people squashed into that house that they are cooking food for about 20 hours a day. It is like living next door to an Indian take-away. I love Indian food, but it becomes a bit intrusive when you have those very strong cooking smells around you indoors and outside in the garden all the time. Makes me hungry all the time too!
    So, I guess Mrs duSnoops could have worse neighbours than some that were occasionally bonking (that’s how it is spelled in British English) in the shed!
    Take care, Helene.

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    1. If my neighbors were boinking/bonking in the shed I don't think I could go in the backyard without laughing. But when they're cooking, the smells are so delicious I end up hungry, too. :o)

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  27. Never thought about doing it in the shed... Thank you for sharing Mrs. Edna! ;-9

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    1. I'll tell Edna what an inspiration she's been. She'll be horrified. ;o)

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  28. What a hoot...now that is a great garden shed with plenty of room...

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  29. Well done Tammy! I'm sure this is a 'neighbor' problem that plagues SO many gardeners. (It's just an inspirational danger, all those birds and bees and flowers...)

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    1. Our neighborhood is facing a shed boinking epidemic of huge proportions. But no one can find the time to do anything about it. ;o)

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  30. Hi Tammy, that's a phenomenal garden shed. Unfortunately, in ours, there's just space for one and it's standing room only. Make of that what you will.

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    1. So funny!! Sounds perfect for a solo act...

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  31. Dear Ms duSnoops,

    It seems that this has put quite a strain on your brain, or is that a colander? Anyway, I assure you that Mr. McPhloxy was simply usig the shed for it's intended purpose, the storage of tools, one tool in particular. Gardeners seem to enjoy this sort of thing and even Martha Stewart recommends proper tool lubrication and storage. As for this boinking issue; one often boinks ones head in a shed with low ceilings or with various implements hanging from the rafters which frequently elicits boisterous interjections. Could you be more clear in your objection as I don't understand your complaint.

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    1. Laughing out loud for the entire comment!!! LOVE IT!

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  32. LOL I do hope the police take care of this disgraceful behavior at once! Have they no shame? You know their are some weird-o's out there that get "aroused" if they know someone is listening! They sound like weird-o's to me LOL

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  33. Very funny! Our shed smells of mice and is filled with rusty garden tools. No boinking going on in there, that's for sure!

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  34. Well you wouldn't want to waste a shed like that on storing mucky tools in would you...

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  35. Ha ha, this is very funny. I don't have a shed (yet) so I now feel like I am missing out on more in life than just tool storage.

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