Saturday, July 2, 2011

Welcome to Cheeksylvania!

I once had a neighbor who gardened in a pink dress, its waist cinched and skirt flowing as she carefully tended her small plot. I found her attire both horrifying and fascinating and could not fathom ironing a dress just to garden in it. This memory pops to the surface as I dig through my dresser for my favorite pair of work shorts. The loose, quick drying fabric and deep pockets wick away sweat and help me keep track of my pruners. I slip them on and secure the built-in belt as tightly as I can. I throw on a faded pink t-shirt, dog chewed baseball hat and head out the door. If my former neighbor could see me, she would close the blinds.

Kneeling in the garden, I lean and bend and when no one is looking, wipe my sweaty face with the bottom of my shirt. In and out of my pocket slide the pruners, the belt of my shorts loosening with every drop of their heavy blades. Too big for my frame, my shorts begin to dip and I'm vaguely aware that my underwear are showing. I tug at the waist, half-heartedly tighten the belt, and continue to weed.

Lost in thought, I methodically pull weeds and errant trumpet creeper shoots. The still heat has begun to cool and the sweat along my back is beginning to dry. A slight breeze drifts across my lower spine and around to my stomach and I smile gratefully. I continue to lean forward, ripping the rampaging stems of the trumpet creeper from my agastache and feel the pruners brush against my lower thigh, the pockets almost touching the ground. The slam of the fence gate and teen chatter fill the silence. Suddenly, I hear my daughter shriek and gasp.

"OH MY GAWD!!! Mom, I can see your butt! Those stupid shorts are falling down again!"

The rolling hills of Upper Asster, Cheeksylvania are on full display and I bolt upright, grabbing my shorts as I burst out laughing. I quickly tighten the belt and call out, "Sorry, hon! My shorts are too big. At least now my butt's not sweaty."

I fumble with the shorts but cannot stop laughing. Hiking shorts off the clearance rack: $20. Flashing your daughter while gardening: Priceless!!

21 comments:

  1. Ok the funniest story I have read in a while. Too bad she didn't have her camera handy. LOL
    Cher Sunray Gardens

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  2. This is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't flashed anyone...yet, but I certainly look a fright when I garden. I can't stop laughing. You CRACK me up!!!! (Pun intended!) Thanks for a good laugh at the end of a hot day :-)

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  3. This was a really funny story. I can not imagine the thought of your neighbors noticing. I have a neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard and she is over 60. And she has no problem flashing her girls around, and the mailman pops in quite often.

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  4. I confess I have such an outfit. Now living in a more urban area I try to make certain all the undergarments are pretty.

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  5. Thanks for a good laugh! I doubt the mailman would have been as offended as your daughter. As I age, my shorts are getting tighter, not looser. But I do have a couple of loose, breezy shirts with plunging necklines that I like to garden it. My husband appreciates them, and they allow a lot of air flow.

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  6. Too funny! I have to admit, I get frustrated with V-neck tops that I have to keep adjusting. I guess I should not worry so much about it. Tee hee.

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  7. Just wanted to stop by to thank you for following my blog a Table for Rue, Please.
    I just joined yours as well. You have a beautiful garden!

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  8. What a riot!! Well written. I get so dirty and sweaty working in the garden, my shorts slid down while bending and stretching.

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  9. Ha!! That's great! I'm glad I'm not the only one who looks a bit disheveled while gardening. Although I don't think/hope I've mooned anyone. :-)

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  10. Hehe, lovely story! I look a right fright when I'm gardening, so I can relate :)

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  11. Opisujesz to tak świetnie, że nawet Tłumacz Google dał sobie z tym tekstem radę i przyznam ,że się pośmiałam. Pozdrawiam

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  12. LOL, glad to hear there are others who garden in less than formal attire. Hubby constantly bugs me about my pants falling down and showing my undies. I even have a tan line across my lower back!

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  13. LOL...so funny! It is hard to find the right thing to wear in the garden: to not look like the lady with the torn clothes or to not look like you decided to use all your money for plants instead of clothes or show your cheeks!

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  14. Everybody - One of my dogs chewed a big hole in the shorts I wrote about! Geez!! Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe my daughter wasn't the only one tired of seeing my bum!! :o)

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  15. HA! That's a funny story! Well worth the $20 you spent on the shorts, lol. ;)

    And thanks so much for stopping by my blog! Yes, we still have the 5 foster kittens for another week or two. I'll be sad to see them go, but as I'm sure you know, kittens get adopted quickly so they won't be in the system for long.

    We may be in the same area. What shelter do you volunteer at? Send me an email if you want to chat "offline"--bumblelush@yahoo.com.

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  16. Too funny that your dog chewed a hole in your now-infamous shorts. Of all of my in-poor-taste-at-home gardening clothes, it was the black tennis shoes that I wore to the 4th of July parade yesterday that made Mr. Sorry shake his head in wonder.

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  17. Love your story - it is priceless. I'm so glad others have the same type of garden attire we do. What a shame your dog ate a hole in them.

    Have a great week.

    Sandy

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  18. that's hilarious. our teen daughters are so easily offended and it's kinda fun doing too. lol

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  19. That was funny :). I can identify with the sweaty part too, and I also need those big shorts - I keep losing my pruners...

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  20. Jennifer@threedogsinagarden
    OMG, this post was priceless. You are too funny!! Those last few sentences are brilliant. I wish I had a problem with my shorts being so big that they were falling down. Just the opposite.
    If I lived next door, I promise I would never close the blinds.

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