Friday, December 17, 2010

Thank you, Dr Santa!

Christmas has come early to Casa Mariposa. It didn't bring holly berries, hellebores, or carolers. Instead it brought an operating room, a skilled surgeon, and general anesthesia. As I write this I am wearing garden gnome pajama pants, my Save A Life Adopt A Pet sweatshirt and a giant bandage down my right leg. A pair of crutches stands at the ready.

Bending my right knee without yelling out words that rhyme with holy ship! or fire truck! had become virtually impossible. I decided this summer that I had several options to consider: hiring a large, muscular man to pick me up every time I bent down and, inevitably, couldn't get up again without cussing or crying, replacing the Yoshino cherry tree in the yard with a crane, strapping myself into a harness, and gardening from aloft so that I never had to bend much of anything, or going to the doctor. I choose option three, although option one was mighty tempting....

For twenty odd years I had been given the highly scientific, medically precise diagnosis of "bad knees". When I mentioned this my doctor, as well as the official names of the knee problems that plagued me as a kid, he shook his head and asked if I'd like a real diagnosis. Yes, please! Patella tilt, is what it's called. Hurts like hell, is how it feels.

I mentioned to the doctor that I really needed to have the surgry during the winter. I explained I needed time to recover during my off-season. My off-season? Was I an athlete? Despite being proud of my ability to run in heels, my shoe of choice next to my yellow 15 year old Birkenstock gardening clogs, no, sir I was not an athlete in the conventional sense. I looked him square in the eye and explained gently, "I'm an extreme gardener. I need to be completley recovered by spring." He looked at me, paused , and laughed. Undaunted, I forged ahead. "My garden is an organic, certified wildlife habitat that I landscaped myself. I'm not talking about about a few pots full of pansies." He smiled, I scheduled, and the surgery went well.

Tonight I'm hoping to dream about my garden, a quiet dream filled with bird song and no shouts of Holy ship! My knee hurts! Only time will tell....

23 comments:

  1. Oh! I do hope you recover quickly during your off season. It took 2 decades to diagnose the real issue, huh? Before I see this post, it was already on my mind that a few of us bring up / clear up issues that started 2 decades or more ago. May you have a cozy, comfortable rest.

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  2. Hey, I feel your pain...only in my arm. I wish you the best and speedy recovery! Take care. Rest while you can. Hopefully you'll have a pain free spring :-)

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  3. Thanks for the kindness!! :)

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  4. Oh...ouch. Well, I must say, it was nice of Santa to bring you a new knee for Christmas, but I hope he brought you some good pain meds too! ;) Nice thing is, it's easy to order seeds and plants for spring while still wearing gnome pajama pants! Hope you're back up and running around very soon!

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  5. You are so wonderfully funny! I'm proud of you for putting together such a well written post while taking pain meds! Very impressive. Seriously, I wish you a speedy recovery and maybe in the midst of birdsong you will also dream of a charming, muscular man!

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  6. No fair, Tammy. Just lookit all the presents you got (which, I might add, you obviously opened B4 Christmas! tsk tsk) Wow, a cast with matching crutches. Tres Charmant I'm going out on a limb here and bet that since you were on the 'nice' list you also scored a bonus bag of Merry Meds! :-D

    Seriously, hope your recovery is quick and that you're up and down on your knees in the garden in no time.

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  7. To all - The meds are fabulous and my daughter is keeping track of all the stupid things I've said!
    Kris - If I had asked the dr to give me my gift on Christmas, I doubt anesthesia would have been involved!
    Cat - As for the giant, muscular man, I've already got him - he's 6'5" and calls me Mom. :o)

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  8. TS, although your pain is not funny, I found your blog post hilarious. I love how you explained your extreme gardening needs to your doctor. I hope you feel better soon and are ready for the spring marathon - you know what kind I mean!

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  9. Thanks Jean!! When I told a friend of mine, who also gardens, about the surgery, and why I needed it done during the "off season", she responded, "Of course! There's no other time to do it!" No explanations needed!! :o)

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  10. You are so funny-even in your pain. I do feel for you and I sure hope that doctor understood your extreme gardening job is MOST important. Good thing you'll be able to recover in the 'off' season.

    Love that chocolate fudge! I am trying to not indulge too much this season but might need to come back to this post as it looks so good! It will sure help the knee to feel better.

    P.S. I don't grow Bowman's root but it is on my want list at some point. I've seen it on blogs and it looks most beautiful.

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  11. A very funny post, not your problem, mind you. I can feel your pain and I have no clue how you are is such good spirits and write a post so rich in humor.

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  12. Wow! It sounds painful. I really hope you recover soon, and that you are perfectly fine for spring. Thank you for the very funny post. And also, loved the term "Extreme gardening"

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  13. My first thought was that it must be hard to be so funny while in pain, but then I thought, rather, that it is a good sense of humor that gets you through the pain! I am glad that the worst is over and that you are on the road to recovery. A good friend of my husband's had both her knees replaced and now considers it to be one of the best things she ever did. I hope that your road to better knees will go in as positive a direction and you will be extreme gardening come spring.

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  14. I've been looking forward to this surgery since I knew it would bring pain relief once the pain of surgery was over. Wait... that sounds painful! :0) I'm blessed to have insurance to pay the bill, family to help me out, a doctor who actually knows what he's doing, and paid time off to heal. I have nothing to be cranky about! :o) Life is good!!

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  15. Hi TS, I hope you are feeling better and recover quickly. I was laughing at your .... "off season" time. Also, I saw your recipe for fudge. I am going to give it a try. It looks very good! Let you know how it goes. :) Take care.

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  16. Amy - Thanks! I've decided to approach my convalescence the way a major league pitcher or NFL quarterback might - lots of rest and plenty of whining about not getting paid enough. Just kidding!! :o)

    The fudge is insanely good. You just can't argue with a recipe that calls for 36 oz of chocolate and a cup of butter!

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  17. Hope Santa brings you a speedy recovery.

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  18. Your write hilariously about what must have been very painful. Glad they scheduled you in during your down-time, it is the only point in they year that we gardening fanatics can almost happily sit with our feet up - assuming enough seed catalogues and other gardening porn is available to help us dream. Heal quickly and well - maybe you could have that hunk just to fetch and carry while you are on crutches?!

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  19. You have garden gnome pajama pants!! oooooh, I know what I'm asking for this Christmas. Sorry to hear about your knees. I hope the surgery has gone well for you, merry christmas and best wishes for a full recovery.

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  20. Oh, yes, those knees are as important as those of any professional athlete! I hope you are recovering well and that you will be able to garden without pain this next season. May you have a blessed Christmas, and may your loved ones take good care of you so that you can sit back and enjoy the healing process. I hope your garden gnome PJs don't give you nightmares.

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  21. Well, that was the easiest and best fudge that I have ever made! Thank you so much for the recipe. It is delish!!!!!! You're right it is better than the other chocolate chips. Have a Merry Christmas!! Also, hope you are feeling better. :)

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  22. I am so glad you made the fudge!! When I tell people I have an easy fudge recipe they eye me suspiciously... Fudge is almost a food group here at the holidays. I plan on making a batch tonight and throwing a bunch of chopped up York Peppermint Patties into the pot at the last minute. It's like eating a giant peppermint Patty. Yumm!!

    My knee is doing much better thanks to lots of rest and a heat pad. :o) Merry Christmas to you, too!!!

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  23. Sorry to hear about your knees. But this will give you lots of time to blog and connect with garden friends. Hope your recovery is fast!

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